Best in Doom
by DarkTheda
Summary: In order to appear normal to his fellow classmates, Zim enters Gir into a Dog Show. APPEARENCE BY MONROE! Watches cult of Monroe fans read this.CHAPTER FIVE IS HERE! Be happy!
1. Dog Show?

Well, it's the magical DarkTheda again; here to write more stuff to clutter up this site, so here you are, reading it. Wha-what's wrong with you? Are you, somehow, under the impression that I'm some sort of Super-Writer? Well, if you do, be my guest and keep reading.

Disclaimer: I own nothing here, because the potion that was supposed to turn me into Jhonen Vasquez failed. But I do own Monroe.

Another day in the place where all the Invader Zim people lived. I wonder what it's called… well, it was another day there, and I can assure you that. Zim had got out of his labs, where Monroe was, being tested on. He had to go to Skool today. But DarkTheda is on Summer Vacation. Heh heh. After telling Gir not to eat the toaster, he left. Seeing his master leave, Gir ate the toaster anyway.

Zim was walking over to his locker (Yes, his grade uses them. See Tak: The Hideous New Girl) to get his filthy earth books, when he overheard one of the stink children. "Did you hear?" The voice belonged to LizardBoy. "There's going to be a Dog Show in the center of the town!" Poonchy, who had been listening, nodded. "I'm taking my dog and winning a trophy!" He replied. Zim wanted to hear more, but the bell rang for class. Growling and cursing the earth bell under his breath in Irken tongue, he followed the earth monkeys to Ms. Bitter's class.

Lunchtime. Zim poked his bologna sandwich cautiously. His face showed disgust. However, his usual lunch frustrations were pushed away when he heard someone ask him something. "Hey, Zim! Are you and Gir entering the Dog Show?" Zim turned around, facing his old "best friend", Keef. "Uhhh…" "You should! I'm entering with my dog, and so is everyone else!" Keef smiled. Zim looked around, trying to hear what everyone else had to say. And indeed, everyone with a dog was going. Zim turned back to face Keef. "Why, of coarse I am! I AM NORMAL!" Everyone stared at him with questioning looks. Dib sat at his table, pointing at Zim, probably getting ready to accuse him of not being normal. However, Zim ignored the large headed kid and started to wonder how Gir was going to handle this filthy earth competition.

WHOO! I'm done with the first chapter! And you all can't wait to hear more from me, eh? Well, review, for not only will I be put in the Crazy House, you get this nifty T-Shirt that says: I SURIVED DARKTHEDA'S FANFICTION!


	2. I DON'T NEED IT!

Hey, everybody! DarkTheda has returned, just so she can eat your brains… er….. (Cough) make sure you are entertained! Eh heh heh… START THE FANFIC!

DISCLAIMER OF DOOM: I am not Jhonen Vasquez. All belongs to that guy.

"GIR!" Zim had returned to his base, a plan in his head. His AMAZING head. His amazing GREEN head. That was green because of a skin condition. Which was really green because he was an alien. He came from planet Ir... "STOP TELLING THEM ALL ABOUT ME!" Ok, then. Someone got home on the wrong foot….. Ahem…..

Gir looked up from the rubber piggy he had been playing with. He then got up and saluted his eyes, antennae, shoulders, wrists, and chest turning red. "YES SIR?" "Gir, the humans have this contest called "Dog Show" where other humans and their DOGGY COMPANIONS perform filthy stunts and tricks. I have decided to enter YOU into the competition to appear normal. ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR TRAINING, SOLDIER?" After Zim had said this, Gir returned to his normal blue color. "NOOOOO!" He screamed. Ignoring his robot's negative response to the mission, Zim dragged him down to the labs for his horrible training. Oooh…. I wonder what's gonna happen? Maybe they play a game with Monroe!

But sadly, it appears they DON'T play with Monroe! But Monroe is lonely! I'LL PLAY WITH YOU!

Uhhh…. Because DarkTheda is playing with Monroe, I, Fred the magic turkey, will write this.

Zim had Gir strapped to a desk, while he was bent over a small object. Gir squirmed and tried to get up so he could go watch T.V., but his attempts were useless. The straps holding him down were Irken material, not something that would be broken through very easily. "Just a minute, Gir! Soon my evil microchip of doggy obedience DOOM will be finished!" "BUT I DON'T NEED IT! I REEEEAAALLLY DOOOON'T NEEEEED IIIIT!" "BE QUIET!" There was a small moment of silence, then…. "Will it make me a splode?" "No, Gir." "Aw man."

"Alright, Gir! My microchip is ready to be inserted into your BRAIN!" "YAY!" Gir squealed with excitement. Zim opened up the SIR's insane little head and jammed the microchip inside. He then closed Gir's head, and released him from the table he had been strapped to. Immediately his eyes turned red, a sign that he was in Duty Mode. "Ok, Gir! What's the mission this time?" Asked Zim. Gir saluted and replied, "Sir, mission is to enter Dog Show, and win enemy human trophy!" Zim smiled to himself. "Excellent Gir."


	3. Can I Borrow The Cat?

Hey, everyone! Tis I, the mighty DARKTHEDA! This fills you with joy! I can see the smile on your face through the computer. I can see some other stuff too. Uh, nice house. And you. Yeah, you. You eating the chips, while reading my stuff. Gimmie some of those! I'm hungry too! Just shove them through the computer screen. Anyhow, sorry for the wait, guys. I'm back now. TO WRITE LIKE THE SURPERIOR BEING I AM! I was busy playing with Monroe...

And my dad keeps me away from this. You are angry now, eh?

DISCLAIMER: I am not Jhonen Vasquez, mainly because of the following reasons:

1. When I was born, I was born female.

2. My parents gave me the name Jennifer Edwards.

3. I was born 13 years ago.

Now that you know why I am NOT JHONEN VASQUEZ, you will understand why I only own Monroe, and all Invader Zim characters belong to him blah blah blah, and all that legal stuff.

"Ok, Gir. Now, tell me what you do at this Dog Show." Gir saluted. "Yes Sir! Observe the enemy, behave like the enemy. Do anything the enemy does, and at a more extreme level." Zim smiled at his SIRunit. You know what? I had sunburn. And now….. I have a lot of dead, peeling skin on my arm. It's very bothersome. "Now, Gir. In a few hours the humans will be starting this….. FILTHY….. DIRT…… MONKEY…..COMPETITON!" Gir stood where he was, locked in Duty Mode.

Dib was sitting at home, in his kitchen, drinking a soda, thinking hard with that enormous head of his. Whoo, was his head big! I mean, it's HUGE! "I have GOT to find a way to stop Zim! I just know he's up to something! Why else would he enter a Dog Show?" He sipped on his soda some more. "I have to find, some kind of, DISTRACTION, something, that will make his robot leave the ring. Hey, I'm talking to myself again. ……. Why do I always talk to myself aloud?" He thought about this, while sipping on his soda some more. Then, Gaz walked in, and headed for the fridge. "Wait, I've got it! I know what'll stop Zim's robot! It's so easy! It's so..." "DID YOU DRINK ALL MY SODA?" "….." "Dib….." Gaz's voice shook. Balling her hand into a fist, she slowly approached her large headed brother, and grabbed him with her free hand, and….. well, I bet you can imagine, eh?

DarkTheda sat in her dad's living room, typing all this. Suddenly, Dib popped out of the computer! "Hey, DarkTheda, can I borrow your cat? It's for the sake of all mankind!" "Yeah sure whatever. Heeeey…. Waitaminute! Your head! DEAR GOD, YOUR HEAD IS…" But before DarkTheda could finish, Dib had gotten Monroe, sighed, and returned to his world. I wonder how his head fit through my computer.

Zim and Gir (Now in his doggy suit! That suit makes him 80 percent cuter! YAHOO!) were already at the Dog Show. Gir sat at Zim's side, observing his opponents, err, other dogs. There was a tiny little puppy named Nacho, (The dog that ate that one kid in Squee!) a lamb, dog, baby thing (Also from Squee!), a large bulldog, a golden retriever that looked like he was being starved, a poodle that looked stupid in every way, and a spooky little Chihuahua. Gir's eye twitched and he flinched at the sight of the little Chihuahua. Oooh…. Spooky doggy. Um, hurray? Hey, there's some stupid movie on TV now.

Well, that's all I got for now! Sorry, but it is! So please review! So I can go to the Crazy House! STOP READING THIS AND REVIEW! I'll give you a cupcake. I see this makes you smile, and you review! Yes? Well, I'll write more often now. Ok?


	4. Chapter Four ROCKS!

Yeah, yeah, I've been away forever. Well, I've been busy with poetry, comics, ideas in my head that need to be written and drawn out. It's not easy being so full of ideas and can't find enough ways to express them. I should write more fanfiction, and try to help myself out here, and keep you, my reader, happy. So, here it is! A NEW CHAPTER!

DISCLAIMER: I am not Jhonen Vasquez. Not even with my spiffy Jhonen-ey glasses on. I do not own anything except Monroe and my ideas. The ideas like to sing songs and roast weenie dogs over little campfires.

"YEEEAAAH! TODAY IS THE SUPER-DUPER-ANNUAL DOG SHOW! ARE YOU READY?" Screamed a crazy-man called the announcer. He was crazy! I mean, look at him! He was so over-excited he put his pants on backwards! And... OHMYGOSHISHEWEARINGPLAIDWITHSTRIPES? IT BURNS! AURGH! Well, dispite that guy's horrible craziness and bad clothing, the story shall go on.

"LOOKIT ALL THE CUTE DOGGIE-WOGGIES WE HAVE FOR THIS SHOW, FOLKS! AND CHECK OUT THAT GREEN KID WITH THE GREEN DOG! MAN IS THAT WEIRD! HUH! WHO'S READY FOR THE DOG SHOW TO BEGIN?" The announcer-guy screamed, spitting everywhere in his mighty excitement. Let's call him Danny. The crowd roared.

"DOG SHOWS ROCK!"

"ALRIGHTY! LET'S GET FUNKEEEEE!" Danny shrieked. "MAN AM I HAPPY!"

You heard Danny! Let's get funky! Ima gonna go get the records!

...or not.

I can keep writing.

So, the contestants are all in readiness, until...

"DIB!"

Zim pointed at a large-headed figure standing by the judges. "What are YOU doing here, HUMAN?"

Awkward silence.

"Eh, I mean, 'What are you doing here, human, because I am another human, eh... wondering why you are here!' Yes, yes... I AM NORMAL!"

The silence goes on. Danny scratches his nose. AND OH WHAT A SCRATCH IT WAS! Not really, but how many Dannys do you know that like to scratch their noses in a public fanfiction? Not too many, huh?

"I have a spleen, ya know."

Dib cleared his throat. "Zim is an alien! Really! Just look at his hideous green dog! LOOK AT IT! C'MON! Everybody, Zim's up to something! He's going to eat your organs or something HORRIBLE. JUST HORRIBLE!"

"Nonsense! Zim eats no disgusting human organs!"

I don't eat them either. I ate this one kid's brain and it was just... ugh... awful. I don't think this kid studied or anything. It was all mushed because of TV.

"It's hopeless, ZIM! I have a special weapon! Check it out! C'mere, Monroe!"

But Monroe was napping.

"That's just pathetic, Dib-Worm."

So, poor Dib has to wake up Monroe before the contest ends!

A lady is walking over to each dog and inspecting them.

"Hmm... the Chihuahua does have a nice coat. Let's see those teeth. Hmm... wonderful. Now how about the Lab? Yes, young man, try feeding your dog to enhance his beauty. And over here... a unique green coat. Now let's see those teeth..."

WHAM!

Gir ate her whole. I bet she didn't taste good. He didn't even use an oven.

"Splendid! And what a strange stomach! It's unlike anything I've ever seen! Extra points for the green dog!"

Gir spit her out and wagged his tail, while giving a salute to his master. Zim smiled to himself. "Yes... the humans will see the amazing NORMALNESS of Zim and his dirty-dog-monster!"

"NEEEEXT IT'S OUR DOGGIE TALENT SHOW! IT'S AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE COMPETITION! WHO'S READY FOR SOME SUPER-NEAT DOGGIE TRICKS!"

The crowd burst into roaring and applause. It was noisey. I can bearly write now. CURSE YOU NOISE!

"Super-neat doggie tricks ROCK!"

An old woman came out with her dog, Nacho. "Alright, Nacho, do your thing!"

Nacho did a happy little bark.

Then he ate a member of the audience.

Next it was the poodle's turn. He read a poem he wrote in doggie language. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! A FINE WORK IN LITERATURE! IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES AND JOY TO MY HEART!

Finally, Zim and Gir walked into the spotlight. "This is it, Gir. Show these pig-smellies what you're made of!"

Gir saluted to his green master, and began disecting himself.

"LOOKIT THAT, FOLKS! THE GREEN DOG SHOWS INTELLIGENCE BEYOND ANY DOG! TRUELY HE'S TAKING THE TROPHY HOME! WHOPEEEEE!"

"That's because he's a robot! A robot slave of an alien. AN ALIEN!"

No one listened to Dib. All because he was ugly. No, wait... no... yeah, he was ugly.

"HEY!"

It's true. You poor, sad, ugly thing, you.

That's it for now! Please review! Until next time, DarkTheda.


	5. Eaten Alive?

HA! Two chapters in a night! I got an idea for my ending, so I decided to write it. Yes, not a single thing in my fanfictions is ever thought out.

For all that may be wondering, Gir, while disecting himself, turned on a hologram to make it look like he had doggie parts. Now that he's smart and all. I didn't really think of explaining. Oh well. I can turn blue at will.

DISCLAIMER: I am not Jhonen Vasquez. Even when I dream I am. Because I always wake up. The dreams. They taunt me. I don't like it.

SAD NEWS! THE WRITER GIRL HAS JUST BEEN EATEN ALIVE BY ANGRY FAN-GIRLS! ISN'T THAT NEAT? SO I, DANNY, IS GOING TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN FOR HER! I'VE NEVER WRITEN ANYTHING BEFORE IN MY LIFE! YEAH!

WELL, THE CONTEST IS GOING PETTY WELL, AND LOOKIT ME! I'M SO GOOD AT ALL THE ANNOUNCING! BUT WHAT'S THAT? HEY, THAT BIG-HEAD BOY IS COMIN' IN AND HE'S YELLIN' ALL CRAZY-LIKE LIKE SOME KINDA CRAZY GUY! WHOOO! AND BUY, LOOK AT THAT CAT! IT'S HUGE! IT'S...

WHAM!

Sorry about that. I got thrown up by some Fan-Girl named Gretchen, because she forgot to use the oven. Her teeth were horrid. Ahem, anyhow, on with what's happening.

"It's over, ZIM! I'm going to stop you! MONROE!"

Monroe padded towards Dib.

"Here, kitty! Chase the ball!" Dib said, while throwing a bouncy ball out of the stadium. Monroe happily bounded for it, and all of the dogs chased it. Gir, acting like a normal dog to more extreme measures, ran the fastest.

"I DID IT! THE WORLD IS SAVED!"

"Hey! That boy just ruined the rest of the show!"

"Yeah, let's get him!"

"Getting him ROCKS!"

So, they all become angry and do the whole "Let's beat up Dib" thing. This pleases Zim.

"Another evil mission a sucess! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! For this was my real plan all along! GIR! Take me home! Gir? GIR?"

Gir however, was somewhere with Monroe, playing catch. Aww... what a happy little ending! n.n

That's all! Don't eat me raw, now, you hear? Review, and check out my profile. Tis been updated!


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